His Darkest secret
by leki-17
Summary: He may seem like a complete monster but Lord Voldemort does have a soft side
1. Chapter 1

She's there, standing in the corner again, in the light by the window, long auburn hair, eternal legs, generous smile she's trying to hold onto whilst some first year is pestering her with endless questions. She's my age but doesn't look it. She's far too mature and she's in a white dress that ends just above her knees- hasn't anyone told her you're not supposed to wear short sleeveless dresses in the middle of winter? She glances over and sees me watching her. She touches a finger to her lip as a silent gesture to me and disappears, startling the first year. Next thing, she appears as silently as she disappeared, next to me. Her glares menacingly at me  
_"Tom why do you sit and sulk here instead of joining all of us in the celebrations? This is a huge achievement for me. I won us the cup. So why wont you celebrate like the rest of the house is?"_  
Before I have time to tell her that I think quidditch is a waste of time, a group of 6th years surrounded her, praising her on her outstanding performance of playing seeker against the ever-annoying Gryffindor seeker, Sirius Black. Glancing at the clock next to the fireplace, I decide to take my leave and head for my dormitory. We have our end of year exams tomorrow and just because we won the quidditch cup doesn't mean our teachers will excuse us from the tests.

........

I was so close to starting my first real conversation with him when another "fan" group surrounded me, pestering me with questions about how did I really manage to snatch the precious golden snitch out of the fingers of Sirius Black. So I spent another ten minutes explaining every single little detail of the game and how I got the better of Sirius then walked away from the group back to the corner where Tom always sulked around, only to find him missing. Damn it! We had gone to this school together for 7 years, been in nearly all our classes were together but still never more than a hello passed between us and this year I was determined to have at least one proper conversation this year. He was a very quiet person, kept to himself. But that didn't mean he wasn't attractive. Tom Riddle was on of the most sought after boys in the castle along with James Potter and Sirius Black. Not that any of us girls had a chance with Tom, seeing as he literally ran in the opposite direction if one of us tried to talk to him. He had this charm about him. If he put his mind to it he could make anyone tell him or give him anything he wanted, even the teachers. And his eyes! The were sometimes a delicious chocolate brown that you could practically melt into when you made contact with, and at other times they were a ominous black that made you fear for your life.

How was I supposed to get closer to him? I'm not denying the fact that I have a tiny crush on him. Well tiny is an understatement. But even before I discovered the way I felt about him, I still wanted to at least be considered his friend. But how could I do that. No one but his close-knit friends ever talked to him. How was I supposed to know what interests he has? All I think I know about him is that he doesn't like quidditch because he never turns up to any of the matches. Not that I've been looking out for him in the stands or anything.

I realised that the common room had become startlingly quiet. I looked around. Most people had gone up to their dorms. The only ones who were left were the ones who were so wasted they couldn't even say their own names. That's when I remembered the exams were the next morning. The last exams we'll ever have here.

...........

I glanced at my watch for the 20th time, wondering when sleep would come. Every time I closed my eyes all I pictured was her hair blowing in the breeze. What is wrong with me? I had left the party five hours ago to sleep in order to be ready for the tests not that I need to bother I will pass them easily, but for the past five hours all I've done is picture her and not sleep. This is so frustrating! I can't take this; I have to do something to take my mind off her.

I close the heavy dorm door behind me and start to descend the stairs. I entered the trashed common room to find the occasional couple asleep next to each other on the marble ground. Suddenly a feeling hit me, wait no a longing. What would it be like to sleep next to Daphne? Why do I care? Tom Riddle doesn't care for others let alone weak mug bloods that manage to worm their way into Slytherin house. I bang my head a couple of times against the cold marble walls to clear it. I must have had something with a potion or spell in it yesterday. I should go down and demand Madam Pomfrey examines me.

4 hours later we're lining up in foul weather outside the great hall preparing for our written exams. This is pathetic. How dare they make me wait. Ahead of me Malfoy and Snape are in a heated argument about potions I think. Malfoy's an idiot. He knows better to get into an argument about potions with Snape. The line ahead is starting to move sluggishly into the hall. When I get to the front I'm shown to my seat, which is next to one of the seven fireplaces lining the east wall. Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff members occupied most of the seats surrounding mine so I'm guessing we weren't starting until Gryffindor decided to show up. After a while the aroma of chocolate came upon me from behind. I turned and there was Daphne the source of the smell. She smiled at me and lent forward, making out that she wanted to say something. As soon as I lent back I received a blow on my head from above.

_"Tom Riddle sit back where you are supposed to. You know that cheating in these tests is unacceptable. If I find that your answers are in any way similar to Miss Meriwether there will be serious consequences!"_

_"Sorry Profes…"  
_  
_"What did I say about talking Mr. Riddle?"  
_  
So I turned in my seat rubbing my head feeling a particularly foul mood coming on. No sleep, banging my head against the wall had created a painful bruise on my forehead, Madam Pomfrey refused to see me for a bruise, I'm still obsessing over Daphne and now I might be accused of cheating on my exams. I'll be glad to leave this hole; it's stupid rules and the infuriating people.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter.

I hastily threw all my belongings into my tattered trunk. The end of year holidays were less than a day away and I couldn't wait. I had now officially moved into the Potter's home, at last I was free from the constant judgement and bullying I was subject to in my parent's home. No one apart from my pathetic excuse of a brother was sad to see me pack my bags and go. Good riddance to them. James and I are going to be aurors if we get high enough scores in our end of year exams if not James is going to play quidditch for some international team and I will probably work for the Order of the Phoenix. Not that I've actually thought that far in life. Hell I can barely think more than a week ahead let alone a few years. I plan on living the life of a free man. I don't really want to do the whole settle down thing with a wife and kids. It's not like I can't get a girl, there's no end in the supply of them, it's just that kids don't tend to like me either that or I don't like kids. And it's not as if I had found the "perfect" girl to have kids with. Most of the ones I came across aren't the type you'd want to live with.  
The only girl I could probably manage to live with wouldn't look twice at me. I'm filth to her, no better than chewing gum stuck on the bottom of her precious shoes. And there's no way in hell I'd do anything with her, well I have no chance. She's the type of girl my parents would try get me to marry. She's a "pure blood", polite, comes from a wealthy family and all her family including her were in Slytherin house. No hope in hell of me getting near her, it's a known fact she hates me. You would understand if you were next to me to see her facial expression when she succeeded in snatching the snitch out of my grasp. It was an expression showing how happy she was to see me humiliated in front of the whole school. But what can I do, it's not my fault she's probably pmsing like a bitch. But oh well.

.......

Ok so it's the last day of the school year. I'm graduating today and then going home. It's going to feel so weird not coming back here again.  
Half the people I promised to stay in touch with will drift away completely, no wonder today feels so final. A bell sounds, calling us all down for our last meal here. Whilst we eat, our baggage will be taken down to the train, awaiting our claim. I sit on my bed, the four-poster bed I have slept in for seven years, and take my last glimpse of this room. I wont be stepping foot in here again. After a moment I pick my graduating hat off the bedside table next to my bed, and start my last ever walk to the great hall. I lined up outside with the rest of my peers. It was a tradition for the 7th years to walk into the hall together whilst the other years applauded us. Because I was late, all my friends were up the front with the rest of my house, I would have to walk in the middle of Gryffindor.  
The heavy oak doors were hauled open and an overwhelming wave of sound and heat hit us.

.........

I stood proudly at the front of the line and led the 7th years in, my head boy badge worn proudly on the front of my robes for the last time. Next to me sniffed the head girl -some mug-blood whose name I still don't know because I never bothered learning it. Behind us stood the prefects from each house. I noticed one of them was missing… it was Daphne. I went to ask one of the teachers to hold back the procession till she arrived just as the doors were dragged open.  
The crowd behind us started to move with a speed that was surprising. Apparently people would much rather get to their seats to eat rather than flounder in the doorways. After the headmaster made one of his famous boring speeches that caused all of us to fall asleep, the head-girl and I walked up to the worn podium to call out each 7th year individually and hand them a graduation quill. When I read out Daphne's name, a curious shiver went down my spine.  
My hand shook as I held out the quill. As our fingers touched I received a zap as if I was being electrocuted causing me to pull my hand back quickly making the quill clatter onto the stone ground.

..........

It was raining hard by the time we pulled into Kings Cross station. The sky had become an ominous grey and thunder rumbled in the sky above. Funnily enough the weather resembled my mood. I stepped off the warm, toasty train for the last time, onto the drab, grey platform and went to begin dragging my trunk towards my mother when James pulled me towards his own parents. For the first time I remember, I was warmly embraced and welcomed by an adult –James's parents. It was extremely awkward and I didn't really like it. We all turned towards the divider between the wizard world and the muggle world and prepared to run at the wall when something crashed into me. I landed in this pale pink liquid that smelled deeply of roses and chocolate. As I pulled myself to my knees something rather heavy landed onto my back causing me to smash into the ground again. I rolled onto my back to find someone pulling themself off of me. I couldn't see clearly but it seemed to be a female and she was covered in the same goo as I was.

_"Jeez Meriwether I know Sirius is hot and you're obviously attracted to his looks right now and you're probably not going to see him ever again but it doesn't mean you have to throw yourself on him. A simple good-bye would have made him notice you." _Taunted James.  
But surprisingly Daphne who was famous for her sharp, witty, mean comebacks just blushed severely and ran back to her parents. Some stranger helped me up and James said a random spell to get rid of the gunk that was all over my clothes. I felt bizarre. Colours we brighter, objects were sharper, it was if I had put on James's glasses. But there was something missing or was it someone?

..........

I was humiliated. I had boldly strode ahead of my friends holding my potions kit. Not seeing the crack in the platform, I tripped into the person in front of me, dropping my kit. Out spilled the really powerful love potion I had created as a joke with my best friend, Alexandra at the start of the year. We were planning on using it on Tom Riddle to see if it had any effect on him but had gotten caught by our potions teacher when we were trying to put it into his pumpkin juice at dinner. So it had been confiscated and forgotten until I was about to board the train when Professor Slughorn came running up to me and handed it back.  
The plan was to destroy it completely when I got home but that obviously isn't going to happen. You see, the potion is supposed to be either consumed or felt. Who ever that is falls in love with the creator. If two people take it at the same time, they fall in love. So now seeing as both Sirius and I are covered in it that means we have a higher chance of falling in love. Which isn't good. I can't love someone as vile as him. But it mightn't work anyway because the magic could've worn off by now. I mean it's been over 6 months. Suddenly I felt weird…

please please please review guys and tell me what you think, like or hate, thanks = ]


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Guys sorry but I don't own Harry Potter. And sorry for the late update. This chapter is really bad but the next one should be better because I'm on holidays and have more time to write.

V  
I stared into the mirror for a long time, not believing what I saw. After just making one my already pale skin had gone to a shade of white that looked translucent. My eyes had gone from the dark brown that seemed to attract girls like moths attracted to lights were starting to get a tinge of red in them. And my naturally thick hair seemed thin. Maybe I was imagining these changes. Everything else was the same. My vision, hearing and sense of feeling hadn't changed. I looked down at the bench. There lying on the dusty, tiled counter stood the tattered diary I had decided to write in 5th year. It didn't seem different. Maybe a bit more ragged than it had been when I first bought it and the pages were now yellow but other than that it looked fine. You couldn't tell that it contained a fragment of a soul.

D  
I paced the small space between my bed and ancient bookcase stopping every minute or so to glance out the large window. "_Where is she?" _  
There. Is it my imagination but is there a minuscule white dot on the horizon? Could that be her?

A sharp knock sounded at my door. Less than a second later it creaked open and there appeared my mother with a look on her face that could stop an enraged bull in his tracks. She glared down her angular nose at me and raised her hand in a gesture I had learned long ago meant come here. She then turned her back on me and walked down the narrow corridor, pushing one of our unfortunate house elves out of the way. She led me to the living room where my father sat reading the daily prophet in one of the plump armchairs. There on the coffee table sat Mist holding a letter tightly in her beak.  
_"She arrived not so long ago, breaking a window in our bedroom. She must have something really important because she was flying pretty fast. So fast she didn't fly through your open window but the closed 200-year-old stain glass window in our room. Who are you expecting mail from Daphne?"_ After saying this, my mother finally turned to face me. Her expression had gone from very bad to the worst I had ever seen. She's either pissed because of her "precious" window was broken which she could easily fix in less than a second with her wand, or because I was getting mail from someone. My family tended to stick together and not get out much in fact not at all. And she wanted it to stay that way. Now my father looks up from his paper and sees my owl on the table.  
"Open the letter in front of your mother and read it out loud." Was all he said gruffly before going back to the paper. So I walked 15 steps (yes I counted) to the middle of the room. I bent over the black wooden coffee table and wrestled the wrinkled letter out of her beak. My hands shook. I was going to be in deep shit if the letter was who I thought it was from. Merlin let it not be from him. Anyone but him. My hands shook as I broke the seal; nervous to see who it was from.

S

I hadn't slept properly for days now. I was hoping that this was just a fase. But I as I lay on the tiny single bed occupying the Potter's spare bedroom, staring at the ceiling trying to find images in the pattern of the paint covering it. I glance at the clock resting on the wooden bedside table. But it wasn't there. I faintly remembered throwing it out the window last night because of the bright light shinning from it. I rolled onto my side. I couldn't go far in this bed. I was used to bigger beds. Double beds at Hogwarts and a king sized one at what used to be my home. Now I had this puny one. But I couldn't complain.  
All I could think of was her. Her beautiful face kept on flashing in front of my closed eyes. And when they were open all I could think about was the way she smelled. Like roses mixed with chocolate and peppermint… choc-peppermint roses… sounds like an ice cream. How do I even know what she smells like? It's not as if I've been close enough to smell her. Well except for the time when she landed on me. I wonder if she thinks of me. If she even knows who I am, my name, or even that I exist? I want to know if she feels the same. I want to spend all eternity with her. And all I know is her name and that she was in Slytherin. I need to sleep. And soon.

D  
the parchment that slipped out of the envelope was thick and expensive looking. Surely he wouldn't spend that much on something to write on. I was just using normal paper out of a notebook from the newsagents around the corner (something my mother wouldn't approve of) and here he was using expensive parchment. I cleared my throat and paused, looking up, only to be met by a glare from my mother. So I took a shaky breath and read.  
_"Dear Miss Daphne Meriwether. I am very pleased to announce that you have passed your end of year results with flying colours. Below are the marks you received for each individual subject. On the following page is a small list of jobs you are able to achieve with the marks you have. I congratulate you proudly.  
Signed, Minister of Magic."  
_I heard the rustling of paper and next thing I know I'm being embraced by I think my father. When I looked up my mother had left the room angrily. my father and her had come to a resolution, if I passed my tests they would buy me a tiny shop on the corner of Diagon Alley that had been for sale a while, to run the potion store I had wanted. If I failed, I had to do what every single other woman in my family had, agree to marry a good pure blood wizard and give him many pure blood little shits and become a bitchy housewife. But I hadn't failed. I had passed. And now that little shop in Diagon Ally would become mine and I wouldn't live under the stifling care of my parents. I had to tell someone who really cared about what I did. I lifted my owl off the table carefully, and crept out into the shadowy hallway and walked up the rickety, narrow stairs to my room, to write a long, love felt letter to him because I know he will care about what I have to say.

S

A sharp, constant tapping had been going at my window for over 5 minutes. I roll over stiffly to face it, to be met by what looked like to be an owl. I pushed my self out and walked towards the window, hopping because the ground was icy cold. I got to the window and struggled to open it. The owl flew in the second the window was open big enough for it to fit and sat itself onto the desk. I carefully untied the letter and gave the owl a biscuit. Then I sat to read the curly handwriting that I later would be able to recognise from a mile away.  
" _I am confused and clear as I write this letter, feeling my insides reeling with the kind of uncertainty I felt all those weeks ago when we met for the first time face to face. I still feel that queasiness in my stomach that drives me so crazy that half of me wants to run away and hide and the other half just wants me to stay with you forever. Now I sit, alone in a house full of people claiming to love me but not showing it. What is true love? Is it what I feel for you? Everyone I pass looks like you, everything I see has your face in it. Am I going crazy? Tell me what is happ…_

Skip four years………..

S  
I stood proudly at the front and watched over all the heads of waiting people for her. My hands that were shoved hard in my pockets started to shake from the nerves. Standing next to me was James who gave me a reassuring smile. The suddenly the white birds who had been resting in the rose bushes flew into the sky and broke into a romantic song. Everyone turned around and jostled each other so they could get a look at the bride who had started to walk gracefully down the aisle. My heart pumped faster and faster the nearer she came. Her beauty took my breath away. She joined me at the alter and gave me the biggest smile yet under that smile was an expression of uncertainty. The man who was to wed us began with thanking everyone for coming to witness this special day. Then my vision started to become blurred and I started to hear a painful buzzing that blocked out any other noise. Next I found myself seated to my bride and being congratulated on the wedding. How is it that I couldn't remember any of the ceremony? I spotted Dumbledore in the back so I left the table and went to question him.

D  
I had been so nervous when I woke up this morning. Looking outside my window I saw the sky showing an unusual bright blue for winter. Maybe this was a sign? I walked down the corridor to the kitchen where most of the activity in the house was going on. My aunt dragged me to the table and pushed a platter of food towards me claiming it to be my breakfast. I could barely swallow water because of my nerves and my aunt was going to force me to eat? She sat opposite me and watched me like a hawk as I ate. Not many of my relatives had turned up even though I sent them all an invitation. I was not considered part of the family to most of them because I wasn't marrying someone chosen for me. At least my father had turned up. Yet mother had refused calling me a disgrace and scratching my name out of her will. After I had finished, I was dragged out of my chair and back towards my room where three of my aunts proceeded to dress me in my robes and smear make up onto my face. I took another glance out of my window to notice that the marquee was standing and guests were milling around the entrance. I was pulled away before I could take a glance at Sirius because apparently it's bad luck to see the groom before we're actually wed. All of a sudden I find myself at the alter, halfway through the ceremony. How is it that I can't remember leaving my room and walking down the aisle? Maybe it was the nerves. I then turned around to see who had shown up and was surprised by the massive turnout. Both Sirius and I weren't expecting many guests because nether of our families were happy with either of us for different reasons. One man crouched in the furthest corner caught my eye. He wasn't supposed to be here. If Sirius found him there would defiantly be a murder and I'm not sure that Sirius would be the killer.

V  
I sat and watched her at the front. She shone with light and beauty. She had not changed one bit since school. Except that she was marrying the person she swore to me she wouldn't. Did that pact we made mean nothing to her? Or was it my fault because I hadn't kept in touch like I had promised. I desperately wanted to talk to her like we used to but I was too scared to go closer for fear of rejection. I had changed so much in those four little years. I felt sick now every time I passed a mirror that I had smashed everything in the home that had a reflective surface. But that doesn't mean I want to take back the transformation I have gone under. It was necessary for my survival. In some ways I now resembled an aging man without the shrinking bones and wrinkles. My dark hair had all disappeared and my eyes reduced to slits like a snake. My fingers were gnarled and mangled. But this didn't mean that I didn't feel the same emotions I used to. But no matter how hard I would tell her this she wont listen. She'll just run and scream like the rest of them. The minister had finished his rambling so I took this chance to apperate but not before I made eye contact with her.

S  
Dumbledore had no answer for my question. He just said he'd look into it and walked off to talk to James. I looked around and realised that this was quite a sombre event. Many people were constantly looking at their watches. It was understood though. No one wanted to be away from their homes for to long in these times. I walked to the richly laden banquet table. Daphne's aunts had done a spectacular effort with the meals on such a short notice. Slowly slowly people started to come up to the both of us and congratulate us and are sad to say that they have to be leaving. Within an hour it was only us and her aunts left. They helped to pack up the marquee and put it down and they too were on their ways. Shyly I took Daphne's hand and playfully led her into the house and up the stairs. Finally the moment I had been waiting for such a long time had arrived. I held her close to me afraid that she would disappear, afraid that this was all a dream and that I would soon wake up to find myself lying back in the Potter's guest bedroom the day before her letter had arrived. Her breath was hot on my neck and her fingers trembled as she struggled with the buttons on her dress. My heart beat faster than it had ever done. It beat so fast I was afraid that it would explode into thousands of pieces. She grabbed at my arms and then she did disappear into the air. I jumped off the bed and searched the covers. I ran through the house searching for her. Was this some kind of cruel joke she played on me? I started up the stairs to search the room again when the darkness started to come again; the buzzing sound deafened me and made me fall….

D  
I landed in an old rundown house in the white slip I had worn under my robes. My eyes were starting to adjust to the dark when a bang sounded next to me. A hooded figure appeared in front of me. Instantly I knew who it was regardless of the pale gnarled hand held out to me. He could change his identity, change his skin tone, eye shape and voice, he could become evil or as kind and gentile as an angle should be but I would always know who he was.  
"Tom?" I shakily asked. But the figure didn't answer. He just advanced towards me and embraced me. A stench of death radiated out from him and made me gag. I didn't mean to but the smell was so overpowering. My knees became weak and I fell. He loomed over me and went to pull me up when I blacked out.  
I woke to find myself in my bed and entwined with Sirius. How is it that I managed to be ripped from his embrace last night and be placed back into it without me knowing how it happened?


	4. Chapter 4

S

She was sitting at the bench; her long hair fell into her face. I was so tempted to go up to her and push it away but she didn't know I was awake. She stopped eating and pressed a hand against her swelling stomach. It had been a shock to both of us when Daphne had gone to the doctor at St. Mungo's because she hadn't been feeling well, to find out that she was pregnant. After that she had gone spastic on re-decorating because she believed that the house wasn't suitable for a child to live in. she was worrying about the house whilst I was trying to remember when we actually conceived this baby. The games room had been totally destroyed and transformed into what I would imagine to be a baby girl's heaven. The walls were all different hues of pinks and whites. There was all this furniture that I didn't' even know that we owned. An elaborate cot painted a light pink dominated one corner and had a white mosquito net hanging down from the roof covering it, not that it would serve any purpose because we never get mosquitoes because it's so cold. In the corner opposite was a matching pink changing table. They were the only two objects I could see from the brief glance I give that room on my way down the hall to the bathroom. I wouldn't step foot in that room, it gave me a bad vibes.

Skip forward a few months.  
I sit in one of the many rickety wooden chairs littering the corridor, nervously twisting an outdated copy of some magazine in my hands. I glanced at the clock in front of me. It's hands and not moved since the last time I had checked, but that felt like hours ago. A sudden yell shattered through the air. I jumped up and ran to the door it came from. Inside there was total chaos. Doctors and nurses ran in different directions, none of them looking as if they knew what was happening. The bed in the middle of the room was empty of its patient and the crib next to it had been knocked down. Then it hit me. This was Daphne's room. I threw open the door and ran blindly inside. Something came hurtling out of nowhere and crashed into my side, sending me rolling on the floor. I went to pull myself up but was knocked down by trampling feet. and that's when I saw you, lying in the corner, content.

D  
the reality of it hurt too much. I had been handed a bundle of pink woollen blankets. But when I saw your face it was too much to handle. You opened your eyes and smiled at me. But your eyes weren't the normal colour of blue as most babies, yours were chocolate brown and reminded me of him. But your hair was a mass of thin black curls. How could you be part of both of them? I searched and searched for any resemblance to me but there was none, you were fully both of them, it was if they were your parents and I was a proud relative marvelling over you. I couldn't breathe. It was impossible to look at you and not get pangs of guilt. How could you be the child of one of them but look so much like the other? My hands began to tremble and your face pinched up and you let out a humungous roar. I couldn't bear the noise, so I let you go and disappeared into the calming darkness or nothingness. I felt my body being twisted and turned and I heard screaming but I blocked it all out by venturing further and further into the darkness surrounding me until I had no sense of my surroundings. A pale snake like face splashed across my mind and I stumbled, causing me to plummet downwards.

V  
her voice filled my head in an indecipherable chant, becoming louder and louder. The roof above me creaked and buckled and then came down. Rotten floorboards, rusted nails and whatever had been on the flor above came raining on top of me. and then drifting slowly towards me was a body. I caught it and pulled back the mane of hair that covered the face. My blood ran cold when I recognised the face. My first ever tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. I tried to contain them but to no avail. They took control of me and the deep passion I felt for her rose to the surface. I put her down on top of the debris and wept for her. I cried until I couldn't bring another drop so I sat and watched her lifeless body. I placed my wand to her temple and withdrew her memories. I would find who had done this to her and drive them to a painful death. I made an unbreakable vow with her, wearing the whip like scars on my wrist with pride I walked to the marble basin in the corner and poured her secrets into it and plunged myself within.

S  
I picked you up without looking at you and held you tight against me. Without glancing back I ran with you, out of that room. I didn't now where Daphne had disappeared to, I didn't care. All I knew was that you were mine. The air was thick with snow and you started to whimper. I stopped running to get my bearings and realised where I was. In front if me was the last place I wanted to be. The black building stood out among the red bricks and white of the snow. I gave an involuntary shiver and you started to sob because of the cold. We were going to freeze to death if I didn't go in there. Taking a deep breath, I walked up to the elaborately engraved door I had slammed shut many years ago, and rapped loudly on it. I heard the echo of the knock run through the house and a murmur. The door was thrown open and there she stood. She had aged considerably. There was white showing through the black hair dye she vainly used to mask her age. And there were wrinkles engraved on her pale forehead and in the corners of her eyes. I had nothing to say to her and she nothing to me so all I did was hand you to her with shaking hands, quietly hoping that she would understand. But being the cold hearted bitch my mother has always been, she slammed the door in our faces, leaving us in the cold. I looked down at you and knew there was only one other place I could try….


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
15 years passed..... 5th year

N  
I sat watching the new students arriving in the boats from my window. The nervous young witches and wizards twisting around in awe to catch a glimpse of the castle, the older students dragging their heels once they got out of the carriages, reluctant to be back. I ran out the door of my room and down the twisting narrow staircase that went up and down the length of the castle.

I saw the last of the first years and newer older students walk through the doors and joined them. They were all staring around the hall in awe, especially at the ceiling (which isn't really that great, you get sick of it after a while) that was showing the clear night sky outside. The battered Sorting Hat stood on an uneven stool and the tables had already been filled with the banquet. Professor McGonagall started to read the scroll of names and came to one that no one answered to.  
_"Claudia Morgan? Claudia Morgan?"_ her green cat like eyes wondered over the crowd and rested on me. So this was my new identity. I pushed gently through the remainder of the crowed to the front and sat on the stool. The hat sat comfortably on my head and began its usual tirade of mutterings, trying to make up its mind although Dumbledore had already told it where to put me. It broke the silence that had settled over the hall and shouted out the anticipated house, Slytherin. A roar emitted from the table called and I made my way towards the table and sat next to a rather pale boy with almost white hair that was slicked back giving it a greasy look. Something about his piercing grey eyes made me wary of him and I shuffled along the bench to be closer to the girl next to me, wanting to put as much space between him and I. yet something in me made me feel as if I had met him before. Everyone around me even the first years seemed to know at least someone else by name and was all chatting away happily. No one seemed to notice me, which gave me time to go over the new name I had been given. Maybe I should back track and explain a few things before the rest of the night continues.

My real name, well the one I had been given at birth and the one I am used to being called is Natasha Black. For most of my life I have lived at Hogwarts under the care of Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, hiding from the students (except the ones in the Order of Phoenix) in the dark corners of the library or at the top of the east tower, which is also where my room is. The only time I have lived away from the castle was for a year when I was six when I lived under the care of a family with the name of the Malfoys. Dumbledore thought it would be a good idea to make me live with other people my age but it didn't end well. But more on that later.  
Never to my recollection have I met my parents, one is dead and the other was in Azkaban, which may as well of been death, until he escaped. According to people I have my father's black wavy hair and chocolate brown eyes and my mother's tanned skin. But I wouldn't know if any of this was true because I had nothing from them, not even a photograph. Well that's not entirely true. I had photos of my father cut out from the Daily Prophet but none of them are coloured and I don't think they were quite flattering. They made him look like a mad man. He's Sirius Black, the notorious "murderer". His criminal photo has been screaming out of the front pages now for two years. But now my black wavy hair was replaced by short choppy red hair and my eyes were a bright green. When Dumbledore asked me to make my skin lighter I refused. I wanted at least one feature of me to remain unchanged so when I look at myself in the mirror I don't get frightened by the stranger staring back at me.

I couldn't say that my life has been hard; I had an enormous roof over my head, endless streams of food available to me, a bed that was very comfortable and people who cared for me, but something felt as if it was missing, maybe it was the absence of a mother/father figure, but I was sure it was the absence of any friends. In truth I was extremely lonely and longed to be close to someone my age, someone I could tell everything and anything to, someone who would lend a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and someone to share the dark secrets that we dying to come out of me. But then I would have to erase their memory or something because I can't risk them coming out by accident. And if I couldn't' do that I would have to face the person I shared with and know they would think me a freak. No one else has two fathers. And I don't mean one biological father and one stepfather. I mean two biological fathers. Wow I've already said too much.

So I've changed my hair to red and I've cut it, my eyes are green, I have to use a wand and I have to start attending classes. The whole purpose of this is that I cannot be identified as Natasha Black for reasons not concerning you. Yes I said I have to start using a wand. Well my family is made up of extremely powerful wizards and then I was born and I became an extremely powerful witch. I don't need a wand to make magic. In fact I find wands useless. And attending classes with the rest of the school is pointless since I was prepared to do my N.E. when I was thirteen but what can you do?

After I had eaten enough food to feed a small country the plates disappeared and the speeches began. Dumbledore welcomed us all and made the usual notices like the forbidden forest being out of bounds and reminding us all not to duel in between classes in the corridor. After that the prefects led their houses to their common rooms. Following the stream of students, I made my way to a narrow staircase leading underground to the Slytherin common room. Rumour had it that the common room was under the black lake and I believe the rumour was right. The stairs where damp with moss and smelt of wet dog. At the end of them was a stonewall where students were shouting "Pure Blood". This was obviously the password because all of a sudden the wall dissolved and showed the common room. The room resembled a dungeon with cold damp stonewalls and floors. The large fireplace was lit but did nothing to ease the cold that hung in the air causing me to shiver. There were lamps hanging from the walls that emitted a green glow into the rooms and made the place seem even dingier than it was. Two separate staircases led even further underground than I thought humanly possible. I followed the stream of girls down the right one and found the dormitory that I was in.  
Unlike the other houses, these dorms only fitted two students. I shared with a girl who resembled a pug dog. She seemed portentous and acted as if she owned the place by shoving my belongings onto the floor because she wanted the bed they lay on. Her name was Pansy I think. And I could tell that she and I weren't going to get along. I lay down against the other bed and felt eyes on me. I turned and faced them to find Pansy intently watching me.  
_"Morgan doesn't sound like a pure blood name. I'm guessing you're either a filthy mudblood or a half blood. But I was certain they weren't allowed in Slytherin. So what are you? And why have you started here now in fifth grade. Did you only find out you could do magic now?"_ the girl then fell into fits of snorts that I think was meant to be her laugh.

_"I'm guessing when you asked what I was you were referring to what blood type I was. If not I am happy to say I am a human although I'm not sure what you are saying as you look like a dog and laugh like a pig.(that took a lot of courage for me to say to her but she was getting on my nerves with all those questions) Pansy which doesn't sound like a pure blood first name. It sounds like a hippy's name for a child. Morgan is a Pureblood Welsh family. And it's none of your business why I am here now._" With that I turned on my side and tried to sleep but was too scared that Pansy would try to kill me for telling her how bad she looked. I had heard the other girls talking about how mean she was and how they all acted like her friend so she wouldn't bash them.

A week later.

Well I didn't need to be scared of Pansy for the moment. It was obvious she was struggling with the amount of work teachers were giving us and every night she fell straight asleep because the work "tired her out". I had other issues without her.

Who knew that going to classes would be so difficult. It wasn't as if the lessons themselves were hard. It was the getting up every 40 to 50 minutes and dragging yourself off to your next class. I wasn't used to using different classrooms seeing as I normally took my classes in Dumbledore's office so half the time I was lost trying to find my way. I felt like all the first years. But every time I got completely and utterly lost, the blonde boy (I had over heard the pug in my dorm call him Draco) I had sat next to during the first night feast would turn up and take me to where ever I was meant to be. Today I was meant to be doing to potions held in the dungeons and had taken a few wrong turns and found myself trying to enter the Gryffindor tower and of course Draco comes along to tell me I'm in the wrong tower yet again and for me to follow him yet again. We walked down a set of stair when a cat rounded a corner and started to meow loudly at us.  
_"Shit Mrs Norris. Run!"_ was Draco's cry as he started to pound down the stairs.  
_"Don't run off you idiot. You're making so much noise that even if we did manage to get away from the cat Filch will find us."_ I yelled out after him but he had gone. Great I thought to myself. Now I have to find my own way to class. I rounded a corner and somehow managed to find myself standing in front of the potions classroom. Now all I had to do was sneak in to avoid a lecture and detention from Snape. But luck wasn't on my side today. When I reached out and pushed slowly against the ancient wooden door it made a loud screech that caused everyone in the class to turn and look at me entering. It was so loud that Snape who red in the face with anger and yelling at Draco for being late stopped and gave me a death stare.  
_"Both of you detention here tonight!"_ were his last words before he turned on his heel and continued teaching the class how to make some sort of potion.

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